welcome to wildhaven

Confession: I hate having my photo taken. I feel like I really shouldn’t say that as a photographer, but it’s the truth. As a professional, it seems  like it would  be effortless and fun for me to get on the other side of the camera.

But the reality is it’s not. I feel just like many of you out there who have been avoiding having family photos for entirely too long. I know all too well the sinking feeling of receiving highly anticipated photos back and seeing more wrinkles and rolls that I was ready to admit existed on my 30-something self.  I too, can easily pick apart every flaw, pose, facial expression and double-chin until I’m ready to tuck the photos away onto a hard-drive, never to be seen again.

Until, that is, several years later when I’m in a nostalgic mood. Digitally digging through baby photos of my now eleven-year-old son, I will inevitably stumble across some of myself too. I’m usually struck with three thoughts in that moment:

1. The realization that my analysis of myself at the time was pretty unfair and inaccurate. Flaws were blown out of proportion and assets minimized.

2. The recognition that there are very few photos of myself with my family.

3. The regret of being largely absent from these photos!

Does any of this sound familiar?? I would wager to guess that more women than not, feel similarly. We are SO hard on ourselves. We look in the mirror or at a photo of ourselves and it doesn’t match up with the image we have in our mind. We pick apart every teeny, tiny flaw. until we’re frustrated and discouraged.

WHY do we feel so much pressure to have everything perfect on the outside that we neglect what’s happening on the inside?

We can’t see the forest for the trees. We can’t see the way our son or daughter was looking at us in the photos; with love and admiration. We can’t find the joy of being in the moment.  And we’re unaware of the regret we might feel in the future if we continue to let these insecurities and flaws hold so much weight.

Maybe the solution is losing 20 lbs and getting botox. But….maybe not. Maybe we need to change our perspective. To learn to see ourselves the way our loved ones do.  To learn to accept our imperfections and remind ourselves that our appearance does not define our worth.

This is the path I’m taking.

I’m reminding myself that at the end of my life I will not be wishing I had shared more perfect social media images. I will not be wishing I had spent more emotional energy trying to lose another 10 lbs or regretting that I didn’t get Botox.

But… I might wish I hadn’t gotten caught up in social media’s unspoken beauty and popularity competition. I might wish I my son had more photos of the two of us together. And I might wish I had learned to be present in the moment with my family, regardless of my appearance.

If you need some perspective-shifting reminders today, feel free to borrow these.

Your worth is not found in your appearance.
Flawless is fiction.
Present over perfect.
Take the photos. You won’t regret it.